| "A common cause for both men and women
to lose interest in sex is a simple lack of lubrication," says Bruce Bekkar,
M.D. an obstetrician and gynecologist practicing with the Southern California
Kaiser Permanente Group in San Diego. Think of two pieces of sandpaper rubbing
against each other and you'll start to get an idea of how unsatisfying "dry"
intercourse be. It's none too healthy, either: Rubbing sensitive skin on the penis
or lining the vagina too vigorously can cause abrasions and infections.
Since arousal is the primary stimulant for lubrication, dry sex can set in
motion a destructive cycle. "Less lubrication creates less pleasurable sexual
sensations. The diminishment in pleasure then leads to less arousal, which in
turn creates lower levels of lubrication," explains Dr. Bekkar.
And that downward lack-of-slide can have a big effect on the performance of
the penis. When men have anything less than a rock-hard erection, lack of lubrication
may make the situation worse by making intercourse more difficult. "If a
man's attempting penetration and not succeeding, he can get so frustrated and
disappointed that he loses the erection altogether," says Laurence Levine,
M.D., director of Male Sexual Function and Fertility Program at Rush-Presbyterian-St.
Luke's Medical Center in Chicago.
All of these side effects can take a real toll on your relationship. When a
man starts to notice that his wife seems remote and sexually uninterested, he
may start to wonder if she's having an affair or if he's simply not able to satisfy
her anymore. "It's very threatening to men when they're used to having their
partners respond in a certain way and suddenly, or gradually, she just seems to
lose interest," says Dr. Bekkar.
Think back on a recent sexual encounter. Did you feel a lot of friction, or
have trouble with the initial penetration, or did things seem to slide together
without much trouble? If you had several orgasms, did the later ones seem to generate
more friction? Does the friction tend to increase the longer you keep going? Does
your partner need more time before penetration than she used to? Do the lubrication
levels seem to vary at different times of the month? If the answer to any of
these questions is "yes," your sex life may be in the need of a little
lube fine-tuning.
CYCLES OF LIFE
First, it's important to understand that men don't make much of a contribution
in the slippery realm of sexual lubrication. While some men produce a bit of lubrication
from the tiny glands that line the urethra (the tube that carries semen
and urine through the penis), most release nothing more than a little early seminal
fluid. "Lubrication falls almost entirely to the woman: Men don't really
contribute in a noticeable way," says Dr. Levine.
It's critical then to throw off our studied ignorance of all things related
to the female cycle: By understanding when lubrication might not be available,
no matter how aroused your partner is, you can learn when it might be critical
to have a little lube tube handy.
MENSTRUAL CYCLE. If your partner seems very lubricated at
some times and fairly dry at others, it may be simply due to her monthly cycle.
Women in their childbearing years ride a veritable hormonal roller coaster, undergoing
shifts in the quantity and quality of lubrication at different points of their
cycle.
About two weeks after menstruation, certain hormones peak and the egg is released.
It's during this time of the month, ovulation, that the opening to the
uterus, the cervix, begins to release a watery mucus that forms a slick highway
to facilitate the sperm's journey to the egg. "This increase in cervical
mucus adds to a feeling of vaginal 'wetness,'" says Margaret Polaneczky,
M.D., assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at New York Hospital-Cornell
Medical Center in New York. Some women also report heightened desire at this point
in their cycle.
POSTPARTUM. After the birth of a child, a woman's estrogen
levels dive, and they stay fairly low as long as she's breast-feeding. "When
estrogen levels are low for a long prolonged period of time, the vaginal tissues
just don't lubricate very well," explains Dr. Bekkar.
MENOPAUSE. Right around the age of 50, most women will undergo
dramatic hormonal shifts that signal an end to their reproductive years-and a
dramatic drop in their levels of lubrication. "Within a few months to a year
after menopause occurs, a woman will notice a significant decrease in her amount
of lubrication and the elasticity of her vaginal tissues," says Dr. Bekkar.
Both of these effects are brought about by a reduction in the level of estrogen-and
can often be reversed in the long term by taking estrogen supplements.
SLIP SLIDING AWAY
So now that you know when and why you need a lubricant, the best thing to do is
run out to your local drugstore and pick up whatever they've got-right? Not exactly.
"Widely available lubricants, like K-Y jelly, were originally designed for
medical use and aren't designed to stay slick as long as some of the products
especially designed for sex," says Cathy Winks of Good Vibrations, an adult
mail-order company based in San Francisco. In other words, you may want to buy
your lubricant from a sex specialty store.
When it comes to selecting a particular lubricant, keep in mind your intended
usage. If you're going to pair the lube with a condom, be sure to stick with water-based
formulation: The oils in some brands can eat away at latex. If you'll be using
lubricants in conjunction with oral sex, read the labels carefully: Glycerin and
sucrose carry a sweet taste, and detergents such as nonoxynol-9, methylparaben
and propylparaben are likely to impart a soapy, medicinal flavor. Some people
have reported a slight numbing of the tongue with lubricants containing nonoxynol-9.
"However it's perfectly safe to use," assures Dr. Polaneczky.
The rules for using lubricants are simple: A little dab, lightly rubbed on
the clitoris, penis or just inside the vagina, will do ya'.
If you or your partner notice a problem with painful intercourse as a result
of dryness, our experts recommend that you get a physical to rule out any more
serious problems such as a yeast infection or a sexually transmitted disease.
Then head to your local drugstore to check out their selection of lubricants or
call Good Vibrations at 1-800-289-8423 to receive a free catalog. |
