Here’s an interesting article that appeared recently in the New York Times. It’s an in-depth article about teaching high schoolers about the pleasure of sex and not from an abstinence only platform, or from the perspective that SEX WILL KILL YOU, as so many government-regulated sex ed programs teach today. The article is titled “Teaching Good Sex” and if you’re the parent of a teen, you’ll find the article very interesting. Here it is…
What many sex educators often don’t realize is the long-term impact of the knowledge they share during classes which can greatly affect their adolescent students’ life-long formation about their ideas of sex. The article focuses on one progressive educator in the Philadelphia area and the comments the students have during his classes. May all sex educators take his skills and comfort levels talking about sex to heart…
Okay, so one day, or night, when you’re thinking or talking and say “I wanna have sex with you,” what do you REALLY want?
Let me count the ways: Some people think that only vaginal intercourse counts as sex as in penis-in-vagina contact. For others, sex is penis-in-anus penetration. It can also be sex by doing the ins and outs with a sex toy. Sex can be external: genital rubbing either on thighs (thigh humping, of course!) or other parts of the body all of which is also known as the big word – tribadism (“But Mom! Dad! I was only practicing tribadism!”). And we can’t forget the ever-popular oral/genital contact for all sexual preferences which for lots of people, is their only choice for sex. Last but not least (and I am sure not LAST), good ol’ mano a mano masturbation because your hands never say no.
So take a moment to decide what it means to “have sex.” To me, it’s the time, the place, the thoughts, the lust, the drive, the play, the pleasure, to the … well, “don’t stop now” kinda sex. If you wonder what your partner’s definitions of sex and boundaries are, have a chat with them NOT WHILE YOU’RE HAVING SEX! Make the time to talk about it honestly or better yet, breathlessly recap your desires with them so when the time comes, so will you….
Lubricants are used for many different reasons: they keep things slippery and slidey and cut down on friction which can easily feel like a burning sensation. Many women think that a burning sensation may be a latex allergy when sometimes it can just be that they are either not using a lubricant or not applying enough during use. Also, too, approximately 25% of ALL drugs, both over-the-counter and prescription ones, can cause some sort of vaginal dryness and if your customer is taking an antihistamine to dry out mucus membranes, guess where else it will dry out? Yep. I wish the labels for those would say “If you are sexually active when taking this medication, please use a personal lubricant” but they don’t say that because they think you shouldn’t have sex with a runny nose!
Sometimes, women’s own natural lubrication that occurs upon sexual stimulation, can vary even to the point of none being produced. This certainly doesn’t mean she’s not being turned on, it’s just that the production of lube can change during different times of the month as well as throughout her lifespan. For instance, a 20 year old might not need as much lube as a menopausal or peri-menopausal woman might (peri-menopause means she’s IN menopause which is a process that can happen over several years, ultimately resulting in her not having her period for a year due to decreased estrogen production). What happens during menopause and the naturally occurring loss of estrogen, is that the vaginal walls will become thinner, thus possibly making penetration a little more painful and uncomfortable.
Lubricants can be used therapeutically for women during menopause and after too, and these women can simply apply about a quarter-sized amount onto their fingertips and swirl it around the vaginal walls in the morning and night. What will happen is that the lube will penetrate the vaginal walls and gently increase the moisture that the internal tissue will retain, thus making her much more comfortable even just during the day or when she is not necessarily being sexually active. A thicker lube, like our ID Glide, will work well for this (and pssst… it’s actually a certified 510(k) medical device for this exact use, too).
What a lube generally does is mimic a woman’s own lubrication. Women will tend to be more lubricated during ovulation, in the middle of her menstrual cycle, when her vaginal lubrication tends to “smooth out” and become more slippery. Why? To promote the sperm to swim up the canal to reach that magic egg because basically, all sex is intrinsically designed for procreation. So a slippery lube, like a water based lube or thin silicone lube, will lots of times be the closest to her own natural lubrication and therefore preferred more often by many of you.
Adding a personal lubricant prior to sex (either internal penetration, self-sex, or external stimulation), can make for a much more pleasurable experience for all who use it!
Long Live Lubrication!
ID personal lubricants, with the exception of our oil based him Cream, can easily be used with any condom including those made of latex or polyurethane. Proper lubrication helps to prolong the integrity of the condom, increase overall stimulation and reduce the possibility of breakage. Oftentimes, when using a lubricated condom, there isn’t enough lubricant on the condom for prolonged use either on the inside or the outside of the condom.
To begin incorporating lubricant with condom use, hold the condom upside down and simply add a drop or two of your favorite ID lubricant into the tip of the condom. If the condom has a reservoir tip, you can fill the reservoir about half way which will be just enough lubricant to lubricate the INSIDE of the tip of the condom once it’s put on. By doing this, it increases the sensation for the wearer since there will be less friction on the inside of the condom. It will also decrease the chance of the condom breaking which is often caused by friction inside of the head of the condom. Remember not to add to much lubricant to the inside of the condom since too much lubricant may make the condom slip off the penis during use.
Once on, applying lubricant to the outside of the condom helps with insertion and provides a natural slipperiness for increased pleasure for both partners.
Now have fun!
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